It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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