Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do herpes really smell.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
