In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
