hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
