through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
