fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
