She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
