we're blogging at a bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
