You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
