Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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