The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
