The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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