He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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