I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
