Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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