I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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