i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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