dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He is an equal opportunity slut.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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