do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
