i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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