I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
