If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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