none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
