and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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