So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
