I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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