Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a hot homeless man
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
