This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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