You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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