I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
