We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
