my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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