They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
