Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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