the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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