and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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