I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
