look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know you're old when youβre masturbating and you pull your hip
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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