Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
