I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
