just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
