Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
