Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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