fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
