Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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