So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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