guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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