yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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