SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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