All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
