Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
