my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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