: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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